A customer enters the MW shop.

Customer: 'Ello, I wish to register a complaint.

(Travis does not respond.)

C: 'Ello, Miss?
Travis: What do you mean "miss"?
C: I'm sorry, I have a cold. I wish to make a complaint!
T: We're closin' for a software upgrade.
C: Never mind that, my lad. I wish to complain about this server what I signed up to access not half an hour ago at this very boutique.
T: Oh yes, the, uh, the Norwegian Blue...What's, uh...What's wrong with it?
C: I'll tell you what's wrong with it, my lad. It's dead, that's what's wrong with it!
T: No, no, it's uh,...it's just busy.
C: Look, matey, I know a dead server when I see one, and I'm looking at one right now.
T: No no it's not dead, it's, it's busy'! Remarkable server, the Norwegian Blue, isnt it, ay? Beautiful processors!
C: The processors don't enter into it. It's stone dead.
T: Nononono, no, no! It's busy!
C: All right then, if it's busy', I'll wake it up!
(kicking the server)
'Ello, Mister server! I'd like some lovely new work if you show...
(Travis taps surreptitiously at the keyboard)
T: There, it responded!
C: No, it didn't, that was you on the keyboard!
T: I never!!
C: Yes, you did!
T: I never, never did anything...
C: (kicking the server repeatedly with a script) 'ELLO SERVER!!!!! UPDATE! UPDATE! UPDATE!

(Yanks the RAID disk array away from the processor-box and thumps it on the counter. Throws it up in the air and watches it plummet to the floor.)

C: Now that's what I call a dead server.
T: No, no.....No, it's stunned!
C: STUNNED?!?
T: Yeah! You stunned it, just as it was wakin' up! Norwegian Blues stun easily, major.
C: Um...now look...now look, mate, I've definitely 'ad enough of this. That server is definitely deceased, and when I signed up not 'alf an hour ago, you assured me that its total lack of response was due to it bein' tired and shagged out following a prolonged re-boot.
T: Well, it's...it's, ah...probably pining for some message board posts.
C: PININ' for some MESSAGES?!?!?!? What kind of talk is that?, look, why did it fall flat on its back the moment I accessed it from home?
T: The Norwegian Blue prefers workin' on it's back! Remarkable server, id'nit, squire? Lovely pair of processors!
C: Look, I took the liberty of checking out that server when I got home, and Anthony said the only reason that it had been sitting on the Internet in the first place was that it had been NAILED there!

(pause)

T: Well, o'course it was nailed there. If I hadn't nailed that server down, the units would have nuzzled up to that ethernet, connected to its interface, and VOOM! Feeweeweewee!
C: "VOOM"?!? Mate, this server wouldn't "voom" if you put four million volts through it! It's bleedin' demised!
T: No no! It's pining!
C: It's not pinin'! It's passed on! This server is no more! It has ceased to be! It's assimilated all the work and gone to meet its programmer! It's a stiff! Bereft of life, it rests in peace! If you hadn't nailed it to the Internet it'd be pushing up the daisies! Its electronic impulses are now 'istory! It's off the twig! It's kicked the bit bucket, it's shuffled off its mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisible!! THIS IS AN EX-SERVER!!

(pause)

T: Well, I'd better replace it, then.
(he takes a quick peek behind the counter)
T: Sorry squire, I've had a look 'round the back of the shop, and uh, we're right out of servers.
C: I see. I see, I get the picture.
T: I got a POP3 box...

(pause)

C: (sweet as sugar) Pray, does it provide units?
T: Nnnnot really.

LMAO

That made me laugh almost as much as John Cleese :)

---

Very well put together Phil. That is so funny.

I have to book an argument with Debs though, because I thought it was funnier than the orignal. A quickie should do it. I mean, a short argument should suffice :P

---

This isnt the right room for an argument, is it? Thought it was beating up old servers in here?

---

This isnt the right room for an argument, is it?

No, but you could go see my brother in Notlob. I'll just stick on a false moustache ...

Very well put together Phil. That is so funny.

I have to book an argument with Debs though, because I thought it was funnier than the orignal. A quickie should do it. I mean, a short argument should suffice :P

Ah, but a nice long drawn out argument will keep entertained for a lot longer. Are you sure you don't want to book one of them?

---

Very well put together Phil. That is so funny.

I have to book an argument with Debs though, because I thought it was funnier than the orignal. A quickie should do it. I mean, a short argument should suffice :P

Ah, but a nice long drawn out argument will keep entertained for a lot longer. Are you sure you don't want to book one of them?

Well, It's one pound for a five minute argument, but only eight pounds for a course of ten!

Very well put together Phil. That is so funny.

I have to book an argument with Debs though, because I thought it was funnier than the orignal. A quickie should do it. I mean, a short argument should suffice :P

Ah, but a nice long drawn out argument will keep entertained for a lot longer. Are you sure you don't want to book one of them?

Well, It's one pound for a five minute argument, but only eight pounds for a course of ten!

How long for 14 pounds?

---

Very well put together Phil. That is so funny.

I have to book an argument with Debs though, because I thought it was funnier than the orignal. A quickie should do it. I mean, a short argument should suffice :P

Ah, but a nice long drawn out argument will keep entertained for a lot longer. Are you sure you don't want to book one of them?

Well, It's one pound for a five minute argument, but only eight pounds for a course of ten!

How long for 14 pounds?

I can pound the server for much longer than that.

(Should we book another argument for who can pound the longest?)

---

Very well put together Phil. That is so funny.

I have to book an argument with Debs though, because I thought it was funnier than the orignal. A quickie should do it. I mean, a short argument should suffice :P

Ah, but a nice long drawn out argument will keep entertained for a lot longer. Are you sure you don't want to book one of them?

Well, It's one pound for a five minute argument, but only eight pounds for a course of ten!

How long for 14 pounds?

I can pound the server for much longer than that.

(Should we book another argument for who can pound the longest?)

Hmm, just as I read this, I noticed the system I put my GPU in has had a steady stream of work for a while now :) Now to figure out why I have has a few -177 error codes.

EDIt:

Ah it seems that FreeHAL does not play nicely with the MW GPU app. I guess I need to RTFM again for the GPU app and change some settings :)

---

Small world, isn't it Phil?

I, for no apparent reason, was watching " The Parrot Sketch " on UTube just a few minutes ago, then I took a look at the forum here@MW and stone the crows, some English gent has done a parody on it.

Nice one Mate!!

---

Seejay **Proud Member and Founder of BOINC Team Allprojectstats.com**